Can Purell be used as lube?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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