and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
