i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
