We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
