Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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