Please, let me fuck your mom
they need to just BURY HIM!
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
