The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
