Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
