We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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