why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
