This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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