Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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