he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
