Just fell off a train. Bad.
Buhtt sex?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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