My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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