Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
