I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
