dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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