i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
