arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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