i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sext me about skeletons
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
