My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
