Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
