Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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