I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
