I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
