we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
