I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize