he shaved USA in his pubs
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
