That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
