DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
