My cat gives me a boner
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
