The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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