if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
