just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
