I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
