Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
