She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
