Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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