i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize