Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
