Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
