he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
