I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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