Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You were trust falling into bushes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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