how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
