i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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