he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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