Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
These tits shall not be calmed
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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