just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
