it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
