All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize