Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We just shotgunned beers for America
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
