I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
