Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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