I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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