Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
