a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
is wine microwaveable?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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