Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
