I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Congratulations! We have a period
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