We're facebook friends in real life
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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