If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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