I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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