The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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