I murdered the dance floor call the cops
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
