I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
